


Heart Trick

by redluna



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dom Kaidan, Dom/sub Play, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Past Abuse, Sub Male Shepard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-06 19:09:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8765464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redluna/pseuds/redluna
Summary: With the right amount of cash in Citadel City anything can be yours. The only trouble is figuring out what it is you actually want.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was _meant_ to be my Nano project, but it fought me every step of the way. Hence why the opening chapters here are fairly short, although I promise that will change as the plot starts to branch out after this.
> 
> I'll probably place warnings for content at the start of each chapter, but if you need any other tags other than those above please let me know.

Everyone came to Afterlife. Competition was never a concern for about the only place in town that could not only predict the whims of the city’s inhabitants but cater to them with near terrifying precision

Which, John considered, should have made the current situation sound a little less absurd. He wasn’t the only person in the room who seemed perplexed by it all either, although considering just who that someone was that fact wasn’t nearly as comforting as it could have been.

“Really?” Being under examination by Aria T'Loak was about equal to the sensation of a knife running over your skin, even more so when you were stuck on your knees in front of her. “This is your  _ expert _ , Finch?”

John had to clench his jaw down tight to keep from letting a smartass comment fly loose. To describe it as his default state would have been underselling it, but even he knew better than to try pushing his luck with Afterlife’s owner. Even more so when it was the smug little prick hovering nearby that had him on edge.

“Hey, Shepard might not look like much—” He was going to knock Finch’s teeth down his damn throat once this was over. “—but this is his  _ thing _ . Gets off on it in a way that doesn’t need to be faked. Besides, he’s got this knack for bringing people around to the craziest things. Shouldn’t be much work for him to pull our guy along.”

Aria hummed into the rim of her glass before tipping back a swig of the dark liquid within. “Suppose there’s an angle or two to be worked,” she said. “The client did seem to have a thing for ensuring the political ‘correctness’ of the whole arrangement. Has one hell of a moral code even without being former military.” She caught the small sound John had tried to swallow down; the ensuing smile somehow more terrifying than any biting words. “Will that be a problem?”

“No.” It was more of a struggle than John would have liked to keep the strain of his voice. “Fairly familiar with it, actually.”

“Yeah, Shepard’s got a real fascination with that shit,” Finch said. “Wants to—”

“I don’t recall asking for his life story.” Aria clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, eyes rolling. “And, for fuck’s sake, would someone get him up already? He’s of no use to me down there.”

The splotchy red mark of embarrassment spreading across Finch’s face were enough to ensure John had at least the startings of a smile on his face by the time he rose to his feet. Guy always had had a horrible poker face when it came down to it.

A folder was flipped his way, cool under his fingertips when he moved to take it. Not that he had a chance to snag it yet with Aria still clutching the other end in some half absurd recreation of tug of war.

“If need be,” she said, “I can get one of my own inside. But a job with this comes with benefits beyond a substantial cut. So, with that in mind, you should do your best not to fail. Isn’t that right?” 

“Course.” John tightened his grip on the file when it was shoved towards him. Reading between the lines came easy, even without Aria spelling it out so blatantly.

Enough money to get the hell out of the lower reaches of Citadel City along with a chance to earn a favor possibly large enough to wipe the slate clean.

He couldn’t fuck this up.

*

That all sounded a good deal less grand once it all had a few days to settle in, of course. By that point it seemed better for John to just keep his face buried in his arms on the table, even if the stupid thing was still sticky with something none of them wanted to name.

“I’m gonna fuck this up.”

Jack’s snort was entirely without sympathy. “Why take the job then?” She flicked her cigarette out the window, an action John really should lecture her for, but found difficult to do given how much trash was out on the street even without her adding to it. Besides, his head already hurt enough without adding a screaming match with Jack on top of it. “I could have the shit handled if it really bugs you that much.”

“Now that,” Kasumi drawled, “I might just pay myself to see.” She chuckled, hands lifting in the air when Jack glowered at her. “Apologies! But, really, can you blame me? You would never read as submissive, let alone feel comfortable with it.”

“Like how Shepard’s meant to?” Jack shot back. “Remember how that panned last time?”

John braced his elbows on the table, pushing to speak before the silence could settle into an uncomfortable weight. “This isn’t like that.” He shifted to tap the contents of the folder—dossier, really—that had been spread out across the table. “If this guy has a dark side then he’s hidden it damn well. His military career is full of—”

“Oh, fuck me,” Jack said. “You’ve got a boner for him just over that, don’t you? Being a star spangled officer doesn’t mean  _ shit _ in the long run, Shepard. Just makes you king of the fucking boy scouts.”

“There are worse things to be king of.” John caught sight of Kasumi’s rapid hand movements out of the corner of his eye—all various signs to abort—but he had already made it clear he wasn’t backing down on this score. “You can get a set pay, food, even housing just for—”

“For doing what you’re told,” Jack snapped. “For pretending you never had a hand in the bullshit out there on the streets.” Her head cracked from side to side in one swift, sharp motion. “That’s  _ shit _ , John, and you know it.”

“You got some other magic fix then?” John demanded. “Because last I checked any job with any security to it is gonna require a clean record.”

“Which Aria can get for you,” Kasumi said, “and Finch can destroy.”

“Only if we let him,” Jack muttered. She kicked her chair back from the table, letting the legs screech across the floor. “Looks like we better get started on getting you all prepped then. God knows you’d be shit at it on your own.”

A burst of laughter tore free from John’s throat as he pushed up to his feet, in part to cover up the relief that punched its way into his gut. “What would I do without you?” he asked.

Jack must have been able to catch at least a touch of the sincerity underlying his voice since the corners of her mouth were quirked up when she reached over to sling a fist on his arm. “Screwed obviously,” she said. “Now come on. Between the two of us this Major Kaidan Alenko won’t know what hit him.”


	2. Chapter 2

John hadn’t expected how strange it would feel to see the dancers of Afterlife up close. Any other time would find them hoisted above the gyrating crowds on suspended platforms or waving their limbs about on makeshift stages behind the various bars. It kept them apart from any curious hands unless it was their own decision—or the right amount of money was offered.

Not that he needed to get a closer look to be aware of just how thoroughly he stood out. Each person he caught sight off was completely at home in their nubile, curvaceous bodies, lounging around in their skimpy outfits without a second thought. Any looks he got back were puzzled ones, the few giggles that cropping up making the back of his neck light up like a brand.

Their look was the sort a person got when there was the certainty of a solid meal rolling in on time; maybe even with enough to afford a little something extra if it was wanted. It was the kind of life that had bypassed John along the way, leaving him to shoot up too fast with barely enough food to compensate for it until he was a mess of sharp edges and awkward angles. Even the muscle he had managed to build up didn’t count for much outside of keeping him safe. Or, well, now it helped him fill out the clothes Kasumi swore showcased what “assets” he had. Better than it all falling off before the due time, he supposed.

Not that he had much time to think on it, shoulders snapping tight when the distant sound of a door opening hit his ears.

The dancers, of course, were too well trained not to take it in stride. All the forewarning meant for them was schooling their faces towards a warm set of blankness, shifting in a multicolored blur into line. It left John to be shouldered down towards the end of that queue, but, seeing how it also unintentionally left him with the best vantage point in the room, he figured he didn’t have much room to complain.

Particularly not when the smudgy, quick shot photographs of Major—former or not—Kaidan Alenko had  _ really _ not done the man any sort of justice. Even more so when none of those had come with the man’s voice attached; a rumble that held all the kindness that made no sense in a place like this.

Then again, it didn’t make much sense for him to linger over John either, fingers tracing the outline of his jaw to get his head to rise. The intensity of that gaze didn’t match the warmth in the smile either as Alenko said, “Yeah, this one.”

Just as well that Aria chose that moment to usher to an attendant to guide Alenko off towards the back rooms since John had no freaking idea what an appropriate reaction to  _ that _ should be.

The best he could hope for was that it was the result of some weird taste for the eccentric, but, at worst, it had to do more with some form of pity. He was familiar with both, regardless, but one left a far more bitter taste in his mouth.

Still, his brow kept furrowing deeper as, one after another, people stalked their way out of that back room; some more outright annoyed than others.

Aria seemed more amused than anything else by the time the door swung open for his turn, though. And, no, he  _ really _ didn’t want to think any deeper into why that was the case.

Alenko was intimidating enough to deal with on his own. He still had that damn smile fixed on his face, which John guessed was meant to put him at ease. It might have too, if he hadn’t already learned the hard way that that sort of thing didn’t have to equal goodness. “John, was it?”

John nodded, shoulders rounding out as he stood up straight, hands winding up clasped behind his back. He bit down on the inside of his cheek at the way Alenko’s eyes tracked each movement, curving his shoulders back down. Or, at least, as far as he could manage before a hand landed his shoulder to stop him.

“Hey, no, that’s not…” Alenko sighed. “Did they tell you I was military?”

“Yes, sir.” It was a convenient excuse, far safer than trying to even hint at the last man who had used him like this. That man hadn’t been military, not anymore at any rate, but he had...appreciated...certain details from that life. “I grew up around it.”

“I see. And it’s Kaidan.” A bright burst of laughter met John’s rapid series of blinks. “We can sort out what you want to call me later. For now I’d think my name is enough.”

“Okay.” John dragged his teeth over his bottom lip. “How do you want me…Kaidan?” The name took an awkward shape on his tongue—far more intimate than “sir” had managed to be—but the way Kaidan’s eyes darkened when he used made it easier to bear.

“Get on the bed.”

It was a command, no matter how soft, so John shuffled over, going to pull his shirt over his head. He made a small, somewhat unconscious sound, though, when the hem was snagged at.

“No, not that.” There were fingers smoothing over John’s stomach when he tensed over getting such an easy order wrong. “Keep your clothes on.”

Because sitting down like that on a bed clearly meant for something else wasn’t awkward at  _ all _ . Not that he had much time to process that with a hand at the center of his chest, pushing him down slowly to the bed and holding him in place when he shifted a touch beneath the makeshift hold.

“There just like that.”

It was almost a second nature to tilt his head back when lips hit his neck, earning him a hum of approval on the slide down. He had to tangle his fingers into the sheets to keep from moving any further, not wanting to press for more than was being offered. But that grew increasingly harder as Kaidan tugged back the collar of his shirt to nip along his collarbone, thumb rubbing idle circles against the inner part of John’s thigh.

Despite how foolish it would sound later, he didn’t realize entirely what he was being teased towards until Kaidan slotted a leg between the spread of John’s own, teeth digging in hard against the meat of his shoulder. It was somewhere around there that John managed to come undone, teeth slamming together to keep the full force of his sounds at bay.

He came back down to shakes, eyes wide. “S—Sorry, sir, I didn’t…” His throat constricted around anything else as his mind flooded with the understanding that he had screwed up even further with that. “No, no, I didn’t mean to,  _ Kaidan _ . I can do somethin’. Make it better…”

He was saved from his babbling—or Kaidan was at least—by lips pressing against his forehead. The gesture was such a hard shift from the kind of touch that had been expected that it stole what limited sense of his words away.

“There you go.” Kaidan brushed his knuckles over the edge of his cheek, gaze gone far too soft to be real. “You don’t need to apologize for feeling good. If anything it’s a compliment—means I’m doing my job right.” He pressed a kiss to the corner of John’s mouth. “If you’ll have me.”

John managed two long blinks before, “Pretty sure that’s ‘pposed to be the other way around.” He shook his head, trying not to smile too obviously at how genuinely befuddled Kaidan looked at that. “Why… Why me?”

Kaidan huffed out a laugh, fingers threading through John’s hair. “Because you’re lovely,” he said.

That John could almost believe something like that when said with such genuine sweetness really should have been the first true warning.


	3. Chapter 3

John was handed a whole week to get everything back home into order. It was much more than was needed, of course. Not that trying to scrub the lingering memory of Kaidan from his skin in whatever lengthy, cold shower he could manage before Jack kicked him out didn’t turn out to be as good a plan as any.

It was all hard enough to sort out without losing his ability to be impartial throughout all of it. There were plenty of reasons, after all, that he could count the people he could trust on one hand.

His stomach was already in knots by the time the week rounded out, not at all helped through the discovery of Kasumi going through his duffel bag. 

She didn’t even bother to look up when he reached for it, swatting his hands away. “Settle down, would you?” she said. “I didn’t upset your very serious packing techniques. Just wanted to check it for anything that might raise alarms.”

“Come on,” John snapped, “I’m not stupid enough to try packing heat in there.”

It didn’t make the vulnerable sensation knocking against his chest any easier, but it wasn’t as if any weapon would have lasted through an inspection by one of Aria’s cronies. At least anything he left here would only be added to the girls’ own stock.

“Doesn’t count for much,” Jack said. “Anything can be one if you try hard enough.”

_ Or if you need it enough. _

John snagged the duffel back from Kasumi at last to zip it closed. “With any luck, I won’t need to.” Not that that had ever been in great supply for any of them. But Kaidan had  _ seemed _ sincere in all that he did—that had to mean something.

The shrill screech of a car horn wasn’t that uncommon around the neighborhood, but Kasumi peeled back the curtain all the same. “Too nice a car to be anyone other than your escort.” She rolled her eyes. “Too above them to come and use the buzzer, huh?”

“Think about who we’re talking about here,” John said. “At least she’s not making me walk all the way to Afterlife.”

“Probably didn’t want you showing up all messy.” Jack actually patted his hair down once instead of ruffling it up, even though they both knew the damn thing had a mind of its own. More than once he had considered shaving it all off just to get it over with. “Try not to forget about us while you’re out there living the life, alright?”

“Course not.” John had to dodge her flailing limbs when he dragged his friends into a hug, but Kasumi only laughed. “He’s gotta let me out sometime. I’ll still have my phone until then too.”

Kasumi huffed when the honking renewed in fervor down below, although she still managed a smile for him. “Good luck, Shep.”

*

Under usual circumstances, a car with such modern, sleek lines would have avoided a neighborhood like John’s without question. Then again, it wasn’t as if most of those cars came with a bruiser of a man leaning against it either. At least he didn’t try to guide John into the car after propping the door open, although the snide grin wasn’t much easier to put up with.

There was a heavy glass of whiskey pressed into John’s hand before the car even pulled away from the curb. He knew from a glance, if not from the smell itself, that it was the sort that even the places he had managed to lift from back in the day wouldn’t have been able to carry. It wasn’t going to do much for the nausea settling into the pit of his stomach, but under the weight of Aria’s gaze there wasn’t much else to do except let it burn down his throat in a single go.

“There should be a whole set of upkeep for you about now,” Aria said, “but your man seems to like a more...authentic appeal….apparently.” The brittle edges of the smile John offered by way of response only had her huffing out a laugh. “Takes all sorts, I suppose. Not as if either of us are in any place to complain. Still, best not to skip over what’s expected.”

“I already know how important this is.” 

John didn’t duck away from the sideways glance Aria shot under an arched brow, which only had her lips sliding into a smile nearly too cool to be called one at all. “If I had a nickel for all the times someone tried to feed me that line then I would own this city outright.” She drummed her fingers against the armrest, not bothering to check whether she still had John’s full attention. “But I know why you walked out on that gaggle Finch tries to pass off as a gang. Turn any of that morality bullshit on me and it won’t just be your ass on the line. Are we clear?”

“Crystal,” John bit back.

It went without saying that Kaidan received a far more professional outline of the rules an hour or so later. The bargain had to give every appearance of being a legitimate transaction, after all. It would make the occasional “check-in” more probable than suspect if Kadian was convinced that John was important enough to Aria as merchandise, if not as a person.

John didn’t miss how quick Kaidan was to frown when John didn’t even bother to look through the contract before scrawling his signature onto it. The sense of disapproval settled far more heavy on his shoulders than he would have liked, but there was no way around it. He had already had a chance to check through the man’s limits back when the dossier had been passed over, so there wasn’t much of a chance that Kaidan would try to push him too far. A small bit of luck when he wasn’t going to  _ really _ have the option to tap out anyway.

He managed not to jolt quite so bad when Kaidan’s hand caught his elbow to lead him out, but it turned out to be much harder not to keep a little bubble of laughter from slipping out when he saw what the man had driven up in.

“Uh...sorry.” John fought not to duck away from Kaidan’s quizzical look. “Just wasn’t expecting something that wasn’t all…” He lifted his head to chance a crooked smile—the one that had gotten Jack to stop screeching his ear off a few times. “It’s nice.”

He didn’t think he was mistaking the spots of red on Kaidan’s cheeks, which was about as big a surprise as the man’s own laugh.

“Care about dependability more than style.” Kaidan reached over to pat the hood of the truck somewhat sheepishly. “What can I say?”

It didn’t seem fair that even the inside of the car had been worn into that familiar sort of comfort. Even more so when Kaidan looked so damn pleased to catch John sinking in before he could help himself.

“You can pick out some music,” Kaidan offered, “if you want.”

John pricked against the sympathy that softened the man’s words, but fiddled with the dials all the same. Less of a chance for probing questions with some background noise, after all. He wasn’t expecting the quirk to Kaidan’s lips when he settled on classical, though.

It would have been too difficult to keep focused with anything more sharp beating out a tune around them. Better to have at least a basic understanding of where everything was in case he needed to book it to safety later on.

Except Kaidan dodged every predictable turn, leaving John to push up in his seat to sneak a glance through the back window when they headed out of the city altogether.

He wasn’t all that sure why any of that should have had Kaidan chuckling, but he broke it off with a cough once he caught John’s shoulders locking up. “Figured they’d already told you that I didn’t stay in the city.” He tipped his head to the side, eyes catching John’s before it could be helped. “I’d probably go claustrophobic within a week.”

“I can relate.” It came out too genuine to be part of any spoonfed line, which was probably why it earned him one of Kaidan’s warmer smiles. Not that it didn’t make it anymore risky as a result.

Exactly how much of himself could he turn over while still being safe—that was the real gamble.

*

After all that, John had been settling in with some amount of apprehension for the long haul out to the country. All it took was a few quick turns, though, for them to be heading into a town he couldn’t even be sure he had ever known existed. The sign on their way in—actually painted onto worn  _ wood _ —declared it to be “Normandy” and, really, even with how thriving it was, the place was still entirely too quaint.

It was even more baffling to watch Kaidan wave at just about everyone who caught his eye, getting just as warm a reception in response. All of it made John want to slide down his seat, only just managing to content himself with hunching his shoulders up around himself.

There was no doubt that in a place like this, he would wind up becoming the latest source of gossip eventually, but there wasn’t any reason to make that happen even quicker.

It made it something of a relief to find that Kaidan’s house was actually tucked a little ways off from the town. Although John didn’t realize just how long he stood there, gaping at the actual  _ trees _ that dotted the horizon until Kaidan clapped him on the shoulder.

“Been awhile since you’ve been around nature?” he asked.

“You could say that.” It was definitely nicer than pointing out that the closest John could have come to nature would have been one of the battered area parks back in the city. His brow knotted together when he realized Kaidan had his duffel, something that only grew deeper when the man held it just out of reach when John tried to grab for it. “I can pull my own weight just fine, you know.”

“Course you can,” Kaidan said, far too earnestly. “No reason not to take advantage of some help, though.”

“Isn’t that what I’m here for?” The wry twist slipped out before John could even think of resisting, although it was worth it for the actual blush that spread across the tips of Kaidan’s ears.

“Just for that,” Kaidan said, “you’re helping with dinner prep.”

“Course.” John nudged a toe against the steps Kaidan was already heading up, wondering just how far he could push. “Someone has to make sure we don’t both die of food poisoning.” 

It was lucky that Kaidan’s back was to him as it meant he missed John’s somewhat mystified blinks when the man only chuckled. “Already riding my… No wait.” He tried to turn back to frown at John, but the corners of his mouth kept twitching upwards when confronted with the boy almost doubled over with laughter. “Alright, alright, keep it up and no beer with dinner.”

“Sure I can have one?” John forced a grin to cover up his surprise when Kaidan almost missed holding the door open by startling. “Whoa there, didn’t mean it like that.”

“Can never tell with you,” Kaidan said, shaking his head. “Got one hell of a poker face on you.”

John swallowed hard around the guilt—nearly acidic—that threatened to push up around the back of his throat. “Don’t get through a life like mine without one.” He tweaked Kaidan’s nose as he shuffled into the house, not liking how quickly the man’s face had fallen. At least it got a smile through some blinks instead of anything unpleasant. “Now, come on, before I take over your kitchen entirely.”

*

Despite how ridiculous it might seem, there was something unsurprising about Kaidan’s house after knowing the man. It just made sense that someone like that would decide on wide, open cast rooms, all done up warm tones.

It set John at ease far more than it should. Enough so that he actually had to swallow a yelp when fingers hooked around his collar to tug him away from the pantry.

“What are you…?” Kaidan arched a brow at the bottle of hot sauce John was fiddling with. “Not gonna risk the taste test, huh?”

“It does make everything better.” John knocked his hip against Kaidan’s, bolstered by the amusement that had rounded out the man’s voice. “‘Sides, I’m not the one burning the garlic.”

It was all disturbingly domestic, really, until the night wound down enough for Kaidan to tug him up the stairs to a room that John had absolutely no illusions of. The warm, solid weight that had settled into his stomach after dinner only got queasier with each bit of clothing he wiggled out of. The hands that kept him from stripping down entirely were more a confusion than a relief, though.

Kaidan’s face was far too gentle as he leaned in to press his lips John’s forehead. “Don’t worry about that tonight.”

John wasn’t entirely able to keep the incredulity out of the look he shot Kaidan after that, but the man didn’t falter, even once they were in bed. At least he managed not to start against the arms that wound around him.

Now if everything else could just manage to be what was expected already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear God, this took _much_ longer than it should, sorry. With any luck, the rest of it shouldn't be nearly as hard (*crosses fingers*).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **kinks:** facials   
> **warnings:** John doesn't have the healthiest expectations as a sub at first (nothing major)

John managed to last almost an entire week before starting to lose his mind, which, honestly, deserved some credit. It helped that he could expend most of his pent up energy on small rebellions. What  _ didn’t _ in any way make it easier was how easy Kaidan managed to adapt to each protest.

Turning down steak for dinner (again) only resulted in takeout from the local diner, which turned out to be almost unfairly good. He snagged snacks from the cupboards—always in clear view—only to have Kaidan request him to add them to the shopping list if he liked them enough.

Even an insistence at staying up past the usual turn in point had only received a strangely anxious look and a squeeze to the shoulder. Coming to on the couch with a blanket tucked in around him, television long since gone cold while Kaidan bustled about making breakfast, only made it worse.

So, really, he couldn’t hold all the blame for bringing things to this point. Or, at least, that was a good enough excuse as he slipped free from Kaidan’s hold come morning. It had been a bit of an effort to get up before the alarm the man already set ridiculously early for a run. Had to keep all those muscles one way or another, John supposed, even if Kaidan did come back with pastries from the bakery more often than not.

There were only a few streaks of light edging in on purple of the sky, but John had made do with worse before. It helped that he had enough of a mental image not to bump into anything as he got dressed—or too  _ much _ , he amended when moving for the door had him hip checking the side table on the way.

Every muscle in John’s body felt as though it had been tugged tight, but Kaidan only snuffled in his sleep, arms curling all the tighter towards his chest in the absence of what had once been there. He swallowed hard at the furrow that overtook Kaidan’s brow at the absence, focusing more on the relief that the man hadn’t woken up than examining the rest.

His sneakers, worn in or not, couldn’t compare to the pair that Kaidan had set aside just for running. Still, the shoes had seen him through forms of running that were far from recreational; shouldn’t be any reason why it couldn’t hold up the same now.

It wasn’t until a good handful of minutes later that he realized that he had forgotten to factor the damn  _ ground _ into things. If it wasn’t a lifted root then it wound up being rocks worked slick under the morning moisture. By the time, he finally settled into a walk he had already gathered a new set of bruises (and had to shake more leaves from his hair than he wanted to admit).

Back home there would have been any number of things to watch out for on a stroll like this. Here, though, there was little reason to track the noises around him, let alone worry after them. Well, outside of wondering if some of the birds would ever shut up, that was.

It was odd—not exactly peaceful, not yet—but it wasn’t unwelcome.

That only came when slipping back into the house after the sun rose over the trees found Kaidan leaning against the kitchen counter, still in the worn t-shirt and sweatpants that passed for pajamas, arms crossed over his chest.

John swallowed, fingers curling and uncurling reflectively at his sides. Bit harder to remember the whole purpose of this when everything seemed a second away from going to shit. 

“Morning.” There was a place for shoes to be kicked off by the door—all domestically proper—but John didn’t let that keep him from moving forward. No need to look down to guess what he was tracking across the floor. It grew harder to resist the urge to  _ want _ to, though, with Kaidan’s own gaze prickling all over his skin. “Sorry about that, meant to get back before you got up. Then I could have—”

“John.” There was a weight to his name that hadn’t been there before, leaving any other ramblings lodged firmly in his throat. “Where were you?”

“Figured that should be obvious.” John gestured at his feet, although the smile faltered when actually chanced a glance at Kaidan. No one built with so otherwise gentle should be able to harden himself up so easily. “Just wanted to stretch my legs a bit.” He had to bite down hard on the inside of his mouth to keep from starting when a hand settled like a brand against the back of his neck.

“Uh-huh,” Kaidan said. “And that’s all this was about?”

John didn’t dare try to squirm away, not now, but that wasn’t enough to keep him from hunching his shoulders up. “What else should it be?” That wasn’t how he had meant to put it, except it was too late now, especially with the small, soft sound that escaped Kaidan. “There aren’t any rules about it. Christ, there aren’t any about...about  _ anything _ !”

“So, that’s it.” Maybe it was for the best that Kaidan cut off what would have been a smart ass remark by spinning him around. Not that it made it any easier to breathe with the man’s arms coming down on either side of him, boxing him in. And, really, the quick drop of lips to his forehead did nothing to settle him down.

“I’m not just some—”

“We’re not doing this here.” Kaidan didn’t raise his voice; didn’t need to for John’s mouth to snap shut. There was a thumb easing across the fingers he had clutching the countertop as the man drew back. “Upstairs to the bedroom—get on the bed.”

It was John had been waiting for since he got here. That made it best to ignore the way his joints threatened to lock up, heart somewhere up in his throat even before he got to the room. At least it would be familiar and, if he were just good  _ enough _ , then there could be some sort of forgiveness for being out of practice.

For better or worse, Kaidan had taken his time in following him up the stairs. John’s brow furrowed to find his hands empty, having to bite back a grumble when Kaidan tried to smooth it away with his thumb. Might not have been as successful with that as he wanted if the warm chuckle from above him was any guess.

“So, feel up to telling me what you’re after?”

It would have been smarter to swallow down the bitterness rising up in his throat, but John was done with treading softly. No point in delaying what had always been a foregone conclusion.

“Nope.” John let his lips pop around it, pretending it didn’t matter how Kaidan sighed over it. “Not here for talking, right?” There wasn’t a reply, but there didn’t need to be. Not when he barely even got his shirt rucked up past his chest before there were firm hands settling onto his hips, pinning him down.

He gulped down a steadying breath, letting his eyes slide shut. Right, so at least that that was settled.

Or it  _ should _ have been.

“W—What are…” 

John slammed his mouth shut around it; too late to keep from feeling the curve of Kaidan’s smile against his skin. The man had been there long enough to make it feel as though minutes were dragging out for longer than they should. There were enough little bruises to make the slow drag of his shirt off over his head near torture against his skin, no matter how soft the fabric.

“If you don’t like this—” A tongue flicked over a nipple, leaving John to press his lips closed around a whine. If there was even a point to that after he had moaned and gasped through all the rest. “—then you need to tell me.”

“I’m not the…” John slammed his eyes shut at the feather light press of lips against his throat. It was soothing in all the ways he couldn’t let himself be lulled into right now. “This isn’t about  _ me _ !”

The weight of Kaidan’s body shifted away all at once. It had John tensing for what turned out to be little more than the slide of fingers through his hair; a thing almost cruel by this point.

“John,” Kaidan said, “I’m not here to hurt you. I… I don’t want to do that.”

“But I…” John shouldn’t have started that way to begin with, but under the earnest, heavy weight of Kaidan’s eyes it was next to impossible to try again. “I fucked up. That means you should—” He could actually  _ hear _ his teeth lock back together with how fast Kaidan’s expression shuttered up. 

Kaidan dragged out a heavy sigh. “Sorry.” His eyes flicked downwards at last, circling one the rising red spots with an idleness that eased John up far more than it should. “You did this before, yeah?”

“Course, I did,” John said, nearly offended. “I didn’t lie about it.”

John only hummed, somewhat amused apparently, fingers a gentle pressure against John’s scalp. “Whoever came before me,” he muttered, “must have been quite the piece of work.”

Now that was an opening John was more than ready to let pass. Even more so when he finally had Kaidan—however unusually—right where he wanted him.

So he swallowed hard, willing himself to soften as he chanced a glance up at Kaidan through the fringe of his lashes. “But you’re not,” he said.

(Understatement of the damn century, that.)

Still, it got Kaidan to smile that ridiculous eye crinkling smile of his. The one that John certainly wasn’t going to admit to leaving warmth pooling in his stomach. “Flatterer.” He drew his hold on John’s hair tight enough to earn a gasp. “Doesn’t seem right to leave it at that, though, does it?”

John traced his rapidly drying lips with his tongue, an idea already solidifying when Kaidan’s eyes were drawn towards it with a sharp interest. “Is what I wanna do still on the table?” It was almost sweet, really, how quick John was to nod ( _ almost _ ). “Then I want to suck you off.” He batted his eyelashes just to get Kaidan to laugh through his breathlessness (and wasn’t that something?). “Please?”

There were rules, of course; there always were. But, in the scheme of things, John had had a lot worse than ones that kept his hands gripping to the headboard. At least Kaidan had gotten the idea quicker than expected, grip on John’s hair tighter than ever as he rolled down into John’s throat.

It had been a bit longer since the last time he had done this—let alone this intense—but, at the end of the day, it was all just muscle memory. That Kaidan was such an easy read certainly helped, although the careful, shallow thrusts he stuck to at first made John chuckle.

He might have panicked a good deal more at the yank on his hair, if it weren’t for the upward curl of Kaidan’s mouth. 

“Should’ve known you’d be a handful.”

John wasn’t about to risk trying to wink when it might lead to choking, but he did manage to hum, tongue staking along the underside of Kaidan’s cock the next time the man drew back. There certainly didn’t seem to be any reason to hide the pride on his face when Kaidan shuddered either.

“I wonder…” Kaidan’s hand dropped away from John’s hair all at once to trace along the outline of his lips. “Would your face be just as smug after I come on it?”

It was probably just as well that John’s mouth was otherwise occupied since about all he could come up with to that was a shudder, swallowing down around Kaidan all the harder. That it took more than a bit of an effort to actually pull away was recognized as a vague sense of accomplishment. One that definitely swelled when it only took a few slick pumps of Kaidan’s cock for what he was actually waiting for to happen.

He only got to chase after the taste with his tongue for a few seconds before his own cock was being dragged out of his jeans. It should have been embarrassing that all it took was the slide of Kaidan’s hand around him, his name being hissed out like a damn  _ demand _ , for him to fall apart, but the man’s eyes were so damn warm, as if he was impressed with John for even this.

The next thing he was aware of were arms wrapping around him and the faint press of laughter when he protested against being lifted up.

“Not up for a trip to the tub?”

John pressed his lips together, struggling to come up with an answer that wasn’t so freaking honest. His mind was creeping around the edges of that floaty place already, though, and, so far, Kaidan had seemed to approve of that sort of thing. “Don’t wanna get clean yet,” he muttered.

The right idea too if the hitch to Kaidan’s breath was any sign. “Next time,” was the answer, and, well, that was something.

*

**john:** pulled it off

**kasumi:** god, what did you get up to already?

**john:** hey!

**jack:** hopefully it’s more what he got IN him

**john:** kind of? mouths count right?

**jack:** damnit

**kasumi:** **** I win the bet!

**john:** I’m disowning you both


End file.
